No man is an island

I think that I could very well live by myself.  With this of course, I picture that I only care about myself, think about my own welfare.  Not worrying about anything at all except myself.  Yeah, I could do that.  Its a sad retreat of a sad person. Sometimes, when I feel like I am happy, I also expect something bad to come up.  Its a cycle.  Its like happiness can never be an island by itself.  You can't be happy by not being sad, or not knowing how it is to be sad. 

Its baffling to have to listen to many people at the same time.  Its not like I have super powers to take them all in.  I am not bad if I don't listen to anyone, it just makes me an independent girl who knows what she wants and understands the consequences of these motivations.  But all of these are not giving me any peace of mind at all.  Right now, I have a plan.  I want to be alone. 

Everything is beginning to seem like a huge roller coaster ride, and I hate roller coasters.  One minute you're up, screaming wildly and next you'll get scared like a cat and then it'll start all over again.  It only feels like its all moving too fast.  One rave, one wink and then a rant; or vice versa.  

I am baffled.  But, right now, I don't need directions.  I just need a hand that will hold me and walk with me.  Don't talk.  Don't smile.  Don't even try to look at me.  I won't ask much, just walk with me.