Ambient music takes me to a point of silence and peace inside my head.  Sometimes its so noisy and filled with so many thoughts that I can't hear what "I" truly want to say.  Then there are emotions that you'd want to drown out in this peace, but sometimes can't because they are rhythmically and painfully louder than your thoughts.

I always knew countless music/melody that were my favorites were mostly melancholic.  Nonetheless, I loved listening to them.  Zero 7 has that kind of sound that thugs on the sad strings of my personality.  The lyrics are sometimes obscure and that the real meaning for the song becomes dependent on the listener.  Like this one..  Right now, this is how I feel.

Title: The Space Between Artist: Zero 7

Now that you're older Taking the time to look Back over your shoulder On the days confusion took

Now that you're wiser Surely you've learned to read it You should know No surface shines brighter Than the light that burns beneath it

Never so sure We always take more Though we still don't know what it's for

Now that I've seen you Stripped to the very core I know that I need you Less than I did before

Never so sure We always take more Though we still don't know what it's for

I want to be able to know what it is exactly that I'm looking for.  I feel like I'm in limbo.  If there is one VERB to describe me since birth, it would be SEEK.  Whatever it is that I'm looking for, I still haven't found it.  I don't know when the 'space between' or the 'spaces between' of my life would actually be filled with this thing that I'm looking for.

Please, my dear reader, do not mistake this 'space' as the only thing that a 'relationship' can fill in.  As I've said, ever since birth, there were 'spaces between' that were never filled.  Of what?  I also do not know.  And please, my dear religious reader, do not mistake this 'space' as the only thing that 'the love of GOD' can fill in.  I know for a fact that I am without a doubt a faithful and half-religious person.

Sometimes, I think I have found what it was that I was looking for, only to realize that its taken away from me and I have no ransom to offer this thing/person who took it away from me.  When I wonder how it is that I have gotten hold of it quickly and yet lost it that swiftly, I wonder, what the real measure of life is.  Is it time?  Is it space?  What says go?  What says stop?

Its like hopping on a bullet train and you feel like life is taking you very quickly to the same path you've been on for the years of your life.  Sometimes you have the desire to step off and travel by foot, but then you would get jealous of the people who moves faster by riding the train.  Its also like being in a virtual reality wherein everything is within reach, within possibilities, but when you do get to your real life, you do things more slowly and everything seems to be a pain.

Nonetheless, I've been writing this post to explain what this vacuum feels like, so that when I'm out of it, I will learn to cherish the fresh air and the new life given to me.  For now, my faith in myself should be my survival pill.  I am in perfect control of my life, and never at the mercy of my emotions.