I think I'm a very mysterious person. Hard to understand most of the time. Secretive with the crazy thoughts, but usually an open book in terms of the history of my life. But who am I and who do I really want to find?
I want to find "him". I want to find the one who can, will and want to hold my heart forever despite my shallow whims, my dogmatic beliefs, my crazy paranormal side, my analytical/scientific/logical work, and my unnecessary passion for creative activities. Too much to handle? I guess not.
My love is unconditional. I will not love, try to love or push myself to love somebody for the wrong terms and the wrong parameters of life and my belief.
Nothing good is hurtful.
Simple rule to abide by. I get hurt, its okay. I get repeatedly hurt, its not okay. Honesty, communication, individuality and love comprise the perfect recipe. I believe no relationship survives without these ingredients, and so I try to live by it.
Honesty
Someone called me a liar recently. I am not. Everything I do at certain points are all carefully thought about, expressed intently and delivered deliberately. Nothing that comes out of my mouth is a lie. I hate lies and their owners--liars. Lying makes me feel degraded. Its how I protect my integrity and reputation.. by not lying. So, if you think I lied, I'm sorry you've been deceived. Might be a good time to look back and re-evaluate the times involved.
If I call it pretty now, its because it appears pretty to me now. If I call it ugly tomorrow, then maybe I don't like it anymore. But that doesn't mean that I lied. :) I just changed my preference. I changed my mind.
Problem with that? Keep me interested. Hold me in the moment of beauty and I'll be forever there.
Communication
I learned over time that this is a very important recipe. You may be honest but if you don't know how to communicate, its still a failure. Past relationships have taught me how to talk, and how to listen. Others demand more time to be heard, while others need more time to listen. Communication should involve talking and listening for both partners.
I'm quite a talkative person. You'll know if I'm warming up to you if even the lamest ideas get blurted out. The latest nonsensical thought I put up with a friend was: "Why did they design the umbrella as it is currently?"
If you hate talking about anything under the sun and laugh at almost anything, then I'm not your girl.. Move on. Don't hate me for not talking too much in Tagalog. I don't hate it, I just don't speak too correctly in my native tongue. (Though sometimes, I doubt I could also communicate well in English). Usually, my thoughts get formed in English rather than in Tagalog. To my twin: "paumanhin, hindi bale, matututuhan ko rin yun. hehehe". If you hate that I sometimes argue in English rather than in Tagalog, don't hit me, don't bash me.. that means we're not fit for each other.. so, move on.
Individuality
If we're in a relationship, then it must be because you fell in love with me, and I fell in love with you. Right? Now, if I become not-so-me, then you can't love me anymore. Get my drift?
Space. Let's give each other room to grow. How could a great speaker become the best if you can't allow the person to grow? How can the pretty face be the prettiest if you'll keep putting her down? How can the violinist be the best when you eat away all the time for her practice? How can the slim girl be at her best fit if you persuade her that jogging is dangerous?
I'm very considerate with space, since I'm more inclined to be a loner person rather than a very sociable one. From time to time, what makes me go with friends is that they also need me to a certain extent. I'm a helpful soul.
Joint events would be wonderful.. but only if the people alien to me would show at least some respect and warm welcome to me. If I get a bad experience from them, I would hide out in my shell and would be hesitant to meet with them again.
You get your space, I get mine, but let's play along honesty and communication to be able to enjoy this.
Love
Should I still explain? Love me unconditionally. Don't give me reasons to turn my back on you. My twin said: "You always love to leave those who love you". Yes, and no. I also know how to love myself. If I feel that I am no longer loving myself because I keep loving you instead, then its not healthy anymore. The same thing should go for my partner.
I don't want reasons for falling in love. Every reason to fall in love is the same reason for weakness of the relationship. Love the whole package. Love the whole me, love the whole you.
"The first level of acceptance is tolerance. The second level is appreciation."
- Bo Sanchez
From loving, you learn other virtues like patience, caring, sharing, etc. being optimistic and happy will follow. Sigh.. isn't wonderful? :)
Well, okay, I'm delaying this.. of course there couldn't be a missing physical component. :P Oh, goodness, I get so shy. Hahaha..
Physical qualities
I like the classic "handsome guy" description. Tall, dark and handsome. If you're height is at least 5ft, you're in boy. ;) I like the sort of tan guys. My beloved JP is quite tan. I've had only one relationship wherein the guy was fairer than my own complexion. Sheez. I'm zipping my mouth.
Ehem, well.. "handsome" is quite hard to elaborate. I don't want to sound so mean and harsh, but since these are all my personal point of views, let's take a shot at this. Can you be at least dermatologically problem free? LOL. I should be the one having pimples, not you boy. ;) I am attracted to clean-looking guys, usually with straight hairs. Hair is well kept most of the time. Someone who smiles beautifully. I love pretty smiles. Beautiful eyes. I love staring at beautiful eyes. I like guys with medium frame/build. How do you expect to carry me if you appear smaller than I am? I especially like broad-chested guys 'cause I love to hug. :)
Lovely traits
Must love God. Do you know God? Do you love God? How much of your life is in Him and His will? How far along would you worship Him? Live in respect for God. I don't ask for strict Sunday mass observation, or the proper praying for the Angelus, or rosary everyday. Just love God.
Must love laughing. Korniness is spared. Had good training from JP. Don't worry. LOL. Laugh with me, laugh at me. It doesn't matter. Let's be happy.
Must be respectful. Well, if you constantly force yourself on me, don't you think you only love yourself? If you can't honor my wishes for both of us, then how can you say you respect me? Be the man for me, and I'll be your woman. Don't abuse me verbally, intellectually, emotionally, or even sexually.
Must be gentle. Touch me with kindness. Move me with your gracefulness.. but don't be gay, okay? :D Hahaha Don't be too aggressive. I get scared with that ALL the time.
Must be emphatic. Know when to argue. Know when to listen. Know when to touch, and know when to talk. Nothing beats a dead guy than an insensitive guy. Be a real person. If you love hugs, then you have a +1000 points, 'cause I love hugging. :)
Must be passionate and romantic. Sigh. Make me swoon over you. Ahahayy. Need I say more, hmmm?
What else?
Guys, if you're reading this.. then you must be interested. Hahaha. Bonus: If you can wait until 2010, then do so. I don't want to get into another relationship before mid 2010. I wouldn't be surprised if this article gets dug into the most popular list soon. Hope not! I wrote this just for fun and to kill time, boredom, pain and whatever. :P
A bit of a warning though. I have a sunny disposition most of the time, but I am an eternally depressed soul. Don't mistake me for the ever sweet and happy girl you see. You must see me at this state before you can declare you love me. Do not judge me right away. I still allow myself to be picked up--to rise again. Even my beloved JP called me an "emo". Now that's a warning. ;)