I don't know what must have gotten into my mom and my youngest sis when they decided to come with us for today's dawn Mass. Well, for a change, I thought. (Actually that's not just what I thought..) I thought, hmmm.. Tomorrow, I must wake up extremely early cause I know they move slow in the morning.

As was expected, it took them 30minutes to get up and prepare for the Mass. The church was actually just a 5 to 10 minute walk from our house, and so we need not bathe in the wee hours of the morning (because they wanted to go back to sleep after hearing Mass). My mom had to scold our youngest just to get her up and running for the Mass.

Oh, well.. at least we were a family hearing Mass.

We finally got to church and sat at our usual 'reserved' seats. (Reserved–since no one dared to sit there since it was already connotated to us.. hehe..) I was feeling happy and thankful for yesterday. It was our institution-wide Christmas party yesterday. Though I felt like I would swoon from undersleeping and tiredness and other reasons, well, I still had so much fun! I actually received something from my wishlist! Would you believe that?? At day one, I was surprised to have received good news.. At day two and three, things were just right… And at day four, I received two gifts and another one from my wishlist! It's just great!

The Mass finally started. It was led by Father Jess. I don't usually talk during Mass, for I have always thought it was offensive for the celebrant and those that were also quiet. I respected the solemnity of each eucharistic celebration… But, I dare make an exception for today.

The reading was just the same as last sunday's right?? I questioned my sister. She just gave me an i-don't-know look.

Kung napansin niyo, para sa mga nakinig ng Misa noong nakaraang Linggo, ang ebanghelyo ngayon ay pareho lamang noong ebanghelyo noong nakaraang Linggo. (Sabi ko na nga ba, dapat di nalang ako nagsalita)

It was again about Mary. And so I thought, how would the explanation differ from what I have heard.. and this gave me another reason to quietly listen and absorb what Father Jess was saying. He said: 'Mary had the freedom to accept GOD's will' How is that? Isn't it that anyone has also the same freedom? Well, this is the difference..

Freedom. Freedom is Kalayaan. Freedom to do what you want. Also defined as the feeling of being free. Free from anger, hate, jealousy.. Free from all negative feelings.. Free from sin.

It is only in leaving your negative emotions, negative pasts where you can really accept something of the future. And then he asks, 'Kayo ba ay malaya sa inyong mapapait at mapapangit na karanasan o kahapon?' I answered him in my thoughts.. 'Can you really say you're free when you still hurt in one way or another? I know I have forgiven, but I haven't forgotten..' And so I think I have not moved on… and yet, I know that I have moved on.

He asked again, 'Kayo, bakit ba kayo nagsisimbang gabi? Nahihirapan ba kayo?' It is only when you feel that you are obliged to do something that you feel it is becoming a burden or difficulty. 'Anu-ano ang mga bagay na nahihirapan kayong gawin? Bakit?' I thought, 'I am sick and tired of being the sole strength of the family..' It was as if a devil was teasing me. The angel replied, '..No.. You still have your mom'. I was teary eyed. I thought of the other things that are burdening me… nothing more.

I only have to surrender everything to HIM. It is in trusting that someone watches your back, shares your pain and is always forgiving that I feel secure and unlonely. Even in the midst of many problems, let us still trust GOD and HIS plans. Let us be free from guilt, sin and other baggages that separate us from HIM.

It is barely a week before Christmas day, and a day more (after Christmas) before my deadline. Friends have been very gracious to greet and remember.. hmmm.. I wonder how I can also make them happy while I also please myself..