For years now, I have been working on my simbang gabi devotion. Every 16th to the 24th, my sister and I have been faithful to our promise to complete the 9days Misa de Galeo. This season, I really feel kinda weird. I'm wondering why on earth I'm not feeling the Xmas spirit. Its not like I feel like I'm being a grinch of some sort, its just that the season and its spirit of joy and giving is definitely not sinking into me.
Every dawn since the 16th, I have been waking up at around 2:30am and get ready for the 3:00am mass. Its been my nature to wake up first before my sis. Though my eyes looked puffy from lack of sleep and that chronic tiredness from slaving daily at the office, I wonder why I still got the courage and strength to go to Mass.
I had lots of great expectations from the first days of Misa de Galeo, though great as they may be, I fall disappointed at the first Mass when the celebrant mutters the words of liturgy as if it was his first time to read them or hear them. I got my mind wandering during Mass. The teenagers sitting behind me were singing the "alphabet song" while the celebrant was saying his homily.. and all I can think of is being with my honey.
The celebrant says.. "Joseph was bewildered, and the angel of the Lord came to him..". I wonder why none of us have seen the angel of the Lord when we get confused or troubled. Why?
I can't help but pray.. to thank Him for giving me all the blessings I've had so far. I wouldn't have gone far without my faith and His magnanimous love for all His creation. I thank God for giving me my honey, my family, and all my loved ones. I thank Him for giving me a source of income that can sustain my family's needs and my own. Then, I get to thinking.. what is it I really want most of all? Isn't true that you get one wish for every completed simbang gabi? I have always completed 9 days of sacrifice. Of going to work sleepy and dizzy and going home late and sleepy.. then get one wish to become true. Yes, its true, I tell you.. your wishes would really come true. But this time, I think I have nothing to ask for but health, safety and happiness of everyone around me.
I am confused, yet I do not know exactly what would lift this burden off my chest. I have nothing to ask for.. only I do not need any more challenges for I am too weak to take on them.. I hope an angel rescues me.