Warning:  This article is full of rants.  Be warned.

I know I've been running a lot of task juggling, priority fixing, financial arrangements, work immersion, and attempts for mind relaxing for the past few weeks but it seems to me, I have lost grip of my goal.

Patience is my virtue, and determination is a strong binding force in order to become patient.  At all cost, one must remember to be calm, to open the mind and relax, to be positive.  Positive — such a heavily loaded word.

Since last week, I have had attempts to stabilize my home PC since its hard disk was failing on me.  At first, I was shot, emotionless to realize that my Windows XP PC has suddenly ceased to boot itself.  Emotionless is such a shallow word.  In reality, I tried to react violently but failed to do so because I was aware that it would mean nothing after all.  The only good thing that seemed to save my ass was a very systematic habit that I have been practising all along–backup every month and after every important milestone.  Yeah, I thought.. "what could be bad?".. But wait!  There's more!

I was excited to shift my home PC to Ubuntu.. a very courageous leap (considering my two sisters who share the PC with me).  Soon after, I can't seem to control myself from not using the PC during breaktimes (when is this exactly?!).  Then, just a couple of days after, the harddisk choked again seemingly to remind me that its dying and I should not be happy about it.  That was a morning when I booted up my PC, and it had bad sectors and duplicate blocks that I wasn't able to manually repair.  Sigh.. I tried to waste time reformatting it again and restoring my files, but to no avail.  The next morning, it died on me again.  I tried to steady myself from this mishap.  I have a spare harddisk at the office, which I'm using as my primary storage.  I thought to myself that I can use this instead of buying a new one.  And, yes, I thought.. "what could be bad?" ..But wait! There's more!

That evening, my honey and I were out to replace a CD that we bought.  I was worried we wouldn't be able to get a replacement, but we did, because my honey was positive and charming enough! :) And so, I thought, "what could be bad?"  We were both hungry and decided to eat at Megamall's MXT.  The food was great as always and we were having a pretty good conversation when something came up.  An unexpected topic has turned the good chat sour.  And then there was silence.  An awfully eerie silence.  Occasionally, we had smalltalk, but none had a good staying power.  It was quickly drowned by silence.  An awfully eerie silence.  I was simply looking forward to setting up the harddisk at home when something happened again.  The (@#*!!!) bus was not going to stop at the place we paid for!  And yes, we had to get off really far from where we should be dropped off and ended taking a cab instead.  Really, really annoying!
Okay, its been done, and it was really annoying.  We were both ranting.  And then silence.  An awfully eerie silence.  "what could be bad?" ..But wait! There's more!

I thought that simply getting my PC jumpstarted can push me to be a little more positive about things, but no.  I ran into a lot (and I mean a lot) of mishaps related with my PC.  I am drained.  I am so tired.  Thinking that I needed rest, and not withstanding the fact that my honey has recommended for me to rest, I did sleep.  Putting more faith in the fact that morning is another day, I rest my case.

And now, with more faith and vigor, I attempt to complete my task.  The first thing that popped my screen was a blank portal verification from SmartBro.  A dead page that wouldn't allow me to login and activate my connection.  "what could be bad?"  Bad?! you're still not getting it?!  No connection simply meant no updating, no installing of required components.  No components, no work.  No work, D - E - A - D.  I tried to remain calm and patient.  I made several attempts then I dialled *1888 for customer support.  Trying to repeatedly tell myself to be calm and not be angry I waited for the operator to pick up.

"Basta't tayo'y magkasama.. laging mayrong umagang kay ganda.  pagsikat ng araw, may dalang liwanag.."

That was the song that was playing in the background of their call center.  How ironic!  And then, I was finally in the portal access (finally!).  I quickly installed a server only to get this: "Can't find apache2 in repository".  OMG.  What's next?!

I left my honey a message at his YM to go check my PC.  I was having intuitions that its not gonna boot up.. and I was right!  Somehow, the only good thing I'm getting by far, is learning to predict the next misfortune! :) and, now, I'm trying to predict the next one..